Some time back, I wrote a post called, “On Being Selfish”. In that post, I was trying to show how taking care of oneself is not only NOT a bad thing, but it is vital to survival. But how does one start to take care of themselves?
The first thing to look at is boundaries – limits. You must establish your own personal boundaries. Everyone has beliefs about what is acceptable or not for themselves. These beliefs are very personal as well as individual. There is no right or wrong when considering how you wish to be treated. Think of it in terms of physical space: You may like to stand very close to someone while speaking, but being too close may make someone else feel very uncomfortable. Are you wrong for getting in close? Are they wrong for backing away? Neither are wrong. Emotional boundaries work the same way.
The person that doesn’t like someone too close may choose to compromise and let you step closer, but you should respect their wishes and maintain a certain distance. When in a relationship, you may like to enjoy some time and space alone while your partner wants to do everything together. If you are not considering your own boundaries, you may push your own needs aside and spend all of your time with your partner. As time passes and you continue to ignore your emotional center, you begin to get irritable and then resentful. Eventually, emotions will escalate leading to arguments and worse. For your own happiness as well as that of your partner, it is best that you communicate what your needs are. Telling your partner that you are healthier and happier when you have some “me time” can open the door to a discussion on compromise. No one will know what your needs are unless you tell them.
So, sit down and ask yourself: What are the things that make me truly unhappy or uncomfortable? Begin to identify your limits. Recognizing your boundaries is the first step to maintaining them. Once you have begun to figure out your limits, decide which ones are flexible and which ones are “deal breakers” – the things that you will absolutely not stand for. Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself. You deserve to be respected as a human being – we all do. Standing up for your beliefs – your boundaries – tells the world that you know you are worthy of wonderful things. More importantly, it reinforces to YOU that you are deserving.
As I said before, being selfish is really just recognizing that you have needs. Setting your boundaries and standing up for them is another way of acknowledging your needs and reminding yourself that you deserve the best. Only then can you truly give your best to others.
Come on out to Cafe Tu Tu Tango this Friday and Sunday night to get a tarot reading from me if you need a little help recognizing when you may or may not be defending your boundaries ❤