Life is hard. I don’t think anybody would disagree with me on that. But, sometimes, I think it’s hard only because we make it so. It is really easy to focus on what’s not working – unsatisfying job, unfulfilling relationship, wasted time/dreams….never mind car troubles, bills – taxes! The list can go on and on. Many of us think that the deck is stacked against us. And the more that we focus on all of our worries, the more they seem to pile up! Is that all that there really is to life?
Have you ever had “one of those days”? You wake up late for work. When you jump out of bed, you stub your toe. You spill your coffee as you’re trying to get ready, only to realize that you’re out of milk! Your shower is cold, the traffic is worse than usual, and you can’t find a parking space. Naturally, your day is shot. One thing after another goes wrong.
The only thing that was truly wrong in this scenario was the perspective. When we focus only on the negative, that becomes the only thing that we can perceive. When I find myself in that cycle of negative thinking, I immediately stop myself and try to think of something positive. By turning my thoughts to something that IS good, I am able to get a little perspective.
As soon as I wake up in the morning, I lay in my bed and think of something that I’m grateful for. Sometimes it’s too early to even be that positive! In that case, I think of something good that happened the day before – or even just something that I was able to accomplish that day. I don’t get out of bed until I have a positive thought. That helps me set the tone for the day.
Of course, as the day goes on, other fears, worries and resentments pop up. When that happens, I do it again – think of something positive. It’s a constant process. It takes work. The more you practice thinking positive, the easier it gets. I just recently did a gig that wasn’t as profitable as I had hoped. It was a lot of work to prepare for it and it was a long day. Inevitably, I started to get frustrated and depressed. I was able to recognize where that train of thought was going. So, instead I focused on the fact that the day of the event was beautiful and I got to be outside. I was in the company of friends and we made each other laugh all day. It was a great atmosphere with a lot to see. By looking at my day that way, I could see that it wasn’t a loss. I didn’t make a lot of money, but I had a fantastic experience.
So, what do you want your life to be? Do you want a life filled with fear and frustration or one with peace and joy? You get to decide. Nothing is perfect and life is rarely easy, but there is beauty and light everywhere. All you have to do is look for it.
If you still need a little help finding the blessings in your life, come by Cafe Tu Tu Tango this Friday or Sunday night to get a reading from me. Maybe I can help you find a new perspective!
I have been going through some pretty major changes in my life lately. I have made some decisions that may appear a little risky to others. One of those changes was to quit my day job and become a full time artist and reader. Now, let me let you in on a little secret – not that long ago, if you suggested that I quit my job for that reason, I would have told you that you were crazy. But, that’s exactly what I did.
I won’t lie – it hasn’t been a totally easy transition. There has been a lot of hard work and quite a few sacrifices. Regardless, I know it was the right decision. I followed my heart. Sounds easy, right? Of course it isn’t! Most of us don’t have faith in ourselves. We don’t believe that we can deal with the challenges we may face or the setbacks. And many don’t even know what their higher self sounds like.
For me, the key is joy. As I looked at my life – what was working and what wasn’t – I focused on finding the joy. In the beginning, all I could see was the negative (naturally :-P) so decided to remove the things from my life that brought me pain. That has been quite a process in itself! There were many things in my life that made me uncomfortable, but I was used to them. I very much believed that the devil you know is way better than the one you don’t know. But, I soon started to realize that my expectations that change brought more hardship were preventing me from moving forward. And so I discovered that the unknown wasn’t so scary after all.
As I was banishing negativity from my life, I found that there really were things that brought me joy! When new opportunities arose that could showcase my talents, I became excited. I no longer worried about whether or not they would be successful. I didn’t succumb to the fear of “can I do it?”. I was just happy. I began to realize that, because I wasn’t holding on the the fear and the doubt, I could just experience joy.
To me, the joy that I felt when I was asked to show my work – joy that was no longer hampered by fear that no one would come or doubt that I could handle the amount of work – was my heart talking to me. Joy is the language of my heart. Because I started listening to what my heart was saying, it’s started talking to me more. 😉 Now I know, that no matter what setbacks may occur, I will always get up and dust myself off. I have figured out the language of my heart and will listen to whatever it has to tell me ❤
Come see me this Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a reading at Cafe Tu Tu Tango if you think that you need a little help interpreting the language of your heart!
“How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself.” Publilius Syrus (85BC – 43 BC)
Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on the past – regrets, mistakes. I often find myself wondering, what could I have done differently? From there, it is so easy to start blaming myself for things that didn’t go right. In my experience as a reader, I’m not alone in this.
In my search for answers and understanding, I turned to a deck of Goddess cards that I have. In several readings and meditations, the card for Kuan Yin kept coming up. I always knew of her as the bodhisattva of compassion, but I always thought in terms of compassion for others. But, reading a little more, I realized that she reminds us to have compassion and mercy for ourselves as well.
The fact is, everyone makes mistakes. The most important thing is that you learn from them. It is too easy to focus on the “what if’s” and “if only’s”. The best way to start to move past mistakes and learn from them is through forgiveness.
We are taught from a very young age the value of forgiveness. By forgiving one that has hurt you, you can let go of the pain and move forward. But that teaching is so often focused outwards. Love thy neighbor, forgive and forget, etc – but not love thyself, forgive thyself. I find that we will harbor guilt and resentments towards our own perceived failures that we would never subject a loved one to.
When we forgive someone who has hurt us, we are able to feel lighter – no longer weighed down by negative emotions. Look at the things in your life where you “failed”. If these “failures” were confessed to you by a friend, what would you say to them? How would you console them? Take those words and direct them towards yourself. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, because no one is. Forgive yourself for your failures, because now you know what to avoid in the future. Forgive yourself for the past, because you cannot change it – but you can learn how to be happy today.
Still need a little perspective on how to forgive yourself? Come see me this Friday and Sunday at Cafe Tu Tu Tango for a reading!
Some time back, I wrote a post called, “On Being Selfish”. In that post, I was trying to show how taking care of oneself is not only NOT a bad thing, but it is vital to survival. But how does one start to take care of themselves?
The first thing to look at is boundaries – limits. You must establish your own personal boundaries. Everyone has beliefs about what is acceptable or not for themselves. These beliefs are very personal as well as individual. There is no right or wrong when considering how you wish to be treated. Think of it in terms of physical space: You may like to stand very close to someone while speaking, but being too close may make someone else feel very uncomfortable. Are you wrong for getting in close? Are they wrong for backing away? Neither are wrong. Emotional boundaries work the same way.
The person that doesn’t like someone too close may choose to compromise and let you step closer, but you should respect their wishes and maintain a certain distance. When in a relationship, you may like to enjoy some time and space alone while your partner wants to do everything together. If you are not considering your own boundaries, you may push your own needs aside and spend all of your time with your partner. As time passes and you continue to ignore your emotional center, you begin to get irritable and then resentful. Eventually, emotions will escalate leading to arguments and worse. For your own happiness as well as that of your partner, it is best that you communicate what your needs are. Telling your partner that you are healthier and happier when you have some “me time” can open the door to a discussion on compromise. No one will know what your needs are unless you tell them.
So, sit down and ask yourself: What are the things that make me truly unhappy or uncomfortable? Begin to identify your limits. Recognizing your boundaries is the first step to maintaining them. Once you have begun to figure out your limits, decide which ones are flexible and which ones are “deal breakers” – the things that you will absolutely not stand for. Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself. You deserve to be respected as a human being – we all do. Standing up for your beliefs – your boundaries – tells the world that you know you are worthy of wonderful things. More importantly, it reinforces to YOU that you are deserving.
As I said before, being selfish is really just recognizing that you have needs. Setting your boundaries and standing up for them is another way of acknowledging your needs and reminding yourself that you deserve the best. Only then can you truly give your best to others.
Come on out to Cafe Tu Tu Tango this Friday and Sunday night to get a tarot reading from me if you need a little help recognizing when you may or may not be defending your boundaries ❤
I have noticed in many of my readings that people stress because they push themselves too hard. Most of us have been conditioned to put the needs of other’s above our own. We give 110% on the job. We sacrifice for our families. We support our spouses. I’m all for being giving and compassionate, but we must also be mindful of our own needs.
I truly believe that there is no way that we can be there for someone else unless we take care of ourselves first. Many people mistake being selfish for being hurtful and arrogant. That is more like self-centeredness. When you believe that the world revolves around you, that is harmful and egotistical. Every human being deserves respect and compassion. When you expect another to play only the role that serves you in your personal universe, you are being self-centered.
For me, the idea of being selfish is more like self-preservation. We all know to eat when we are hungry, drink when we are thirsty, sleep when we are tired. But what do we truly know about taking care of ourselves? That is where I feel that many people suffer. It is just as important to take care of our minds and hearts as is it is to take care of our bodies. When you find yourself bending to the will of another because you feel that their needs are more important than your own, you do yourself a great injustice. I feel that it is important to recognize what our hearts tell us.
So, the next time that you are tempted to work extra hours just to impress your boss, stop for a minute. Ask yourself, is the idea that you might get a pat on the back for sacrificing your free time worth losing an opportunity to spend some quality time with your children? Do you want to be selfless or would you rather be full of life and love? We must always balance our responsibilities. However, those responsibilities may suffer if we have no self left to give.
If you are tired and stretched thin, come see me. Maybe I can help you see where you can nurture a little bit more of yourself. I’ll be reading at Cafe Tu Tu Tango’s this Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
I notice in my readings, people are often struggling with various challenges. Relationships, work, finances – these are the areas that most people are concerned with when they come to me for a reading. I always think of them as “The Big 3”. I suppose most people wouldn’t seek out a psychic if everything in their life was peachy keen, now would they? And, naturally, people and financial security are high priorities for most of us. People are looking for answers – “How do I fix it?” “Will it get better?”
When I read, I tell people that I can’t give them all the answers. That lies within them. What I can do is give them insight into the deeper issue – another perspective. The real question is what can they learn from their situation? The challenges that we face in our life serve to teach us lessons. We learn our strengths, our weaknesses and how to better follow the path that we are meant to be on. When we know what is not working, we can get rid of it and leave room for something better.
I, myself, have had a reminder of that. I have found myself facing obstacles and situations that I struggle with. But through my work with my clients as well as a lot of soul-searching and prayer, I have been finding answers. I am realizing that some of the messages that I give my clients are also meant for me. Instead of looking at my challenges as defeat, I have begun looking at them as opportunities. They are opportunities for growth and for change. The deeper that I look within, the closer I find myself coming to the Divine. I understand much better now that some circumstances are out of my control. What is in my control is how I deal with those circumstances. I can find explanations for my challenges – I don’t always like those explanations. They often point to weaknesses in myself – and I don’t want to admit my faults. But admitting my faults is accepting them. And accepting my faults gives me an opportunity to change them. I can’t change my past, but I can change my present and ultimately my future.
So, next time you are faced with a roadblock, ask yourself, “How can I turn this into an opportunity? What good can I get out of this situation?” Often, the answer takes time to make itself clear. But, even asking the questions can show you a new direction and help you make peace with your challenges.
If you still have questions, you can always come see me for a reading 😉 This weekend, I will be at Cafe Tu Tu Tango Friday, Saturday and Sunday….come by and let me help you!
Whenever I sit down to read tarot, I always start off with a short little meditation. I find that meditating gives me the space that I need to connect with the energy around me and center myself for the spiritual work that I am about to do. Meditation is also very good for helping to relieve stress as well as helping to sharpen focus. However, many people insist that they can’t meditate.
I have learned some very interesting things about meditation in my own study. I used to be one of those people that “couldn’t meditate”. I always thought that in order to meditate properly, you needed to have a completely blank mind. How does one empty one’s mind completely? The answer…you can’t! There will always be some thought or other that will go through your head, whether you want to or not. The trick is not to become attached to that thought. When a thought such as “Man, it sure is hot in here.” pops into your head, let it go and move on. Don’t start thinking about how you would love a cold drink or maybe a dip in the pool which leads to taking a vacation and then how much you hate your job and what is the job market like now any way….and so on (you can see I speak from experience).
That is where mantras come in. A mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of “creating transformation” (wikipedia). In this case, the transformation that is created is the meditative state. Using a mantra gives you an anchor to come back to when your mind wanders. Take for example the mantra “om”. If you are sitting and repeating “om” in your head and you start to think about the heat, you can think “Man, it sure is hot in here…OM.” and you have already broken the train of thought before it starts.
Om is probably the most common and widely known mantra, but a mantra for meditation can be just about anything. There are thousands of other sanskrit mantras. One of my favorites is “Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya which roughly translates to “recognizing the divinity within” (*note: I am HUGELY paraphrasing here, but that is the gist of it). Your mantra doesn’t have to be in another language. “love” or “peace” are also great mantras. You could use any word or phrase that you connect with. A name could be a great choice. The name of your mother or your children will help you to stay mindful of your objective. Another good technique is counting your inhalations and exhalations. When you inhale count “1..2..3..4”, pause then exhale counting “1..2..3..4”. The key to successfully using a mantra is putting your whole mind’s focus on the repetition of it. When you stop paying attention to your mantra, that is when your mind will start to wander.
The whole point to meditation is for you to find a calm space. Unfortunately for most of us, our thoughts can quickly lead us away from calm. By incorporating meditation into your routine, you may discover that you find it a little easier to recapture that calm space when you need it. So, just sit comfortably…close your eyes..take a nice deep breath and think….OM 😉